Gatsby?… This may be inappropriate to ask… but do you think that I
have a shot with Mr. Leonardo DiCaprio? He's so dreamy. So sinewy,
so tall and … look at that round head and that sparse facial hair. He
must be Aryan.
My mother thinks that I should stop pining over that citified boy who
is apparently too big for his britches.
What does my mother know? She wears blue eyeshadow!
I could win him away from that Jezebel, Gisele Bundchen couldn't I?
Couldn't I?? Hmmm. Interesting… Jezebel… Gisele. Coincidence? I
think Not.
She shows her privates on the teevee to the whole world during those
Victoria Secret advertisements. "Ohhh, look at my breasts. So
perfectly proportioned to my freakishly long torso. I have the
buttocks of a twelve year old boy." Hmmpf.
Oh Mr. DiCaprio… you are too perfect for that harlot.
Maybe I should look into that newest product from Victoria's Secret.
The IPEX. Hmmm, sounds like a medical condition. Or a type of lizard
found only on the plains of the Serengeti. … Notice the ipex, poised
and ready to strike at its target, the supple and beautiful Leo
butterfly. The ipex, lowers it large and ungainly mandible to the
ground and simultaneously lifts its bulbous hindquarters in a lunging
position… then it strikes… slobbering all over the perfect Leo
butterfly and its sparsely fluffed wings… tearing the gossamer beauty
apart…::sigh::
Leo, my love will go on.
Oh, I can't tell you guys how much I loved reading this column. So, I won't.
Posted by: Gerald "Gas-Face" Simmons | March 04, 2005 at 11:50 AM